


What Once Was ==OLD/IS BEING REDONE==

by ieatleavesfromApplebees_NotSponsored



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Fluff, I'm so sorry, Lavellan IS Sylaise, M/M, Smut, Wtf am I doing, this is why i can't have nice things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26581654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ieatleavesfromApplebees_NotSponsored/pseuds/ieatleavesfromApplebees_NotSponsored
Summary: Sylrae Lavellan has lived through a lot, so here's to him! Various drabbles over his life, including when he has Evanuris Sylaise (wow, that took a turn!).Yes, in my headcannon Sylrae is Sylaise, because I wanted a 'special' OC, and you can't stop me. NO SYLAISE AND SOLAS DO NOT BANG. This is not that kind of fanfic.
Relationships: The Iron Bull/Male Lavellan/Dorian Pavus
Kudos: 4





	1. Tired, a Vignette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylrae just blurts out whatever he's thinking sometimes. It usually has the effect of being startling, but for the Iron Bull, there might be more to gleam.

It had all started because the Inquisitor was overworked and sleep-deprived. Or, maybe it had been because Sera loves to prank people. But this time she was trying to help. 

Lavellan hadn't slept for... a long time. He was running on fumes, and everyone knew it, and he looked terrible. The entire inner circle always ate breakfast together, and everyone was staring at Lavellan with his shadowed eyes and nursing his giant goblet of coffee. He had barely touched any of his food, and Sera had exclaimed; "Fucking shite, you gotta stop at some point, Inky!" 

She then dove across the table, startling several other of their friends and knocking over several plates and cups. She grabbed Lavellan's cup of coffee out of his hands. Lavellan, who hadn't reacted the entire time, suddenly snapped into awareness, and his eyes snapped up to meet Sera's. Sera, still laying across the table, froze at the sudden eye contact, because everyone knew that Lavellan hated making eye contact. He frowned, not looking particularly scary, but more like a disgruntled toddler, but it still made every one pause. But what happened next nobody would forget. He held out his hand, scowled, and hissed through his teeth. 

"If you don't give that back right now I'm going to steal all of your bones," he quickly spoke, sounding more self-assured than ever before, "I need that coffee to function." 

Sera blinked once. Twice. "What?" 

"Give me my coffee," he ground out, "or I'm going to suck all of your bones out of your body, using the anchor, like a straw ." Sera opened her mouth, only to close it again. She silently seemed to be caught between decisions. She looked at the advisors; Josephine shrugged, Cullen held his hands up in surrender, and Leliana winced. 

"Shite," she murmured, before handing Lavellan back his coffee. 

That was the first time that Sylrae Lavellan had ever said anything like that, but it wouldn't be the last. Nobody ever really forgot about that incident, least of all Sera who occasionally just exclaims 'could the mark even do that?!' . Although, everyone after that made sure he got enough sleep, but sometimes Lavellan would just speak or reply to something without thinking, which would have nearly the same effect as the whole 'steal your bones' incident. 

The next time it happened, it was with the Iron Bull, and it was with Varric, Dorian, and Cassandra. Lavellan had been dragged outside to look at the sparring ring. It had been a sunny day, and Sylrae had brought out some letters and missives that he had needed to read and was busy going over them, while occasionally glancing up at the sparring rink while two nondescript soldiers went at it. Sylrae is infamous for only focusing on one thing at a time. So he sat on the bench with Dorian and Varric, while holding a small pile of missives in his lap. He was reading when Bull came over, his keen eyes moving over the words. Varric was writing to his left, and Dorian was reading to his right. Cassandra stood to the side. 

"Hey, boss!" Bull called, and Sylrae held up a hand in greeting, not glancing up from his paper. "Ugh, you're still doing work? Aren't you on break?" Bull groaned, now standing in front of the bench. 

"No rest for the wicked," Varric chuckled, "and besides, Maker knows how much needs the Inquisitors' attention." Sylrae nodded absentmindedly, flipping over the paper he was holding. Dorian snorted and rolled his eyes. 

"Some people enjoy reading, you big lumbering lummox," Dorian snarked, " some of us , can actually think about more than punching things." Cassandra sighed, being the only one observing the sparring match. 

"If he wishes to work himself to death, then it is his choice," she remarks, looking at him to find him not paying attention. She makes a disgusted noise, rolls her eyes, and looks back to the sparring match. Bull huffs out a laugh before grabbing the pile of papers on Sylrae's lap. 

Sylrae raises an eyebrow in reaction. "Put those back," he says like he's commenting on the weather, "I need to go over them." Bull rolls his eye. 

"You need a break, boss," Bull says, continuing to hold the papers. "It's not good to be working all the time." 

Dorian heaves a sigh, snapping his book closed, and turning his stormy grey-green eyes onto Sylrae. "As much as I hate to say it, he might be right. You do work yourself too hard, darling." 

Now Sylrae rolls his eyes, and Varric is paying extra attention to this conversation. Sylrae rolls his eyes up to meet Bull's eye. "Give them back now. Or else." Varric stifles a laugh since Sylrae has taken up the tone of a petulant child. 

"Or else what, boss?" The Iron Bull taunts, holding the papers up in one hand and lifting an eyebrow. Sylrae doesn't take even a moment to respond, deadpanning as he says... 

"I'll suck your dick." Cassandra's breath gets punched out of her and Varric chokes on his saliva. Dorian's jaw drops and Bull blinks twice before laughing. 

"How is that a punishment?" He chortles before winking with his one eye. "You're welcome to try, boss, but I have to warn you," Bull grins predatorily, dropping his voice into an inviting purr, "I'm a lot bigger than you think I am." 

Sylrae hums in return, the eye contact between Bull and himself seeming unbreakable as both Cassandra and Varric wheeze in the background. Dorian has picked up his jaw from where it shattered on the ground. Sylrae gives Bull a predatory smile that somehow seems scarier than Bull's own. His sharp teeth glinting in the sunlight. "I don't think you understand," he hums, "my teeth are very sharp after all." 

Bull starts to look nervous, as the only time Sylrae has ever smiled like that was in the heat of battle. Sylrae tilts his head and his already sharp blue eyes glow in the light, his long dark hair falling over his shoulder giving him a wild-looking appearance. He holds out his hand for Bull to place the papers in before continuing. "But, if you're feeling adventurous, I'm sure I could take you on." 

Varric is scribbling on some blank paper, no doubt planning to put this into his book about the Inquisition. Cassandra and Dorian's faces are both flushed, likely because of their dirty minds, and they glance at each other silently asking if Sylrae and Bull are going to fight, or if they're going to fuck. Cassandra shrugs helplessly, and Dorian shakes his head. Sylrae and Bull are still staring at each other. 

Bull's smile turns less predatory and more flirty, and says, "you're welcome in my bed anytime, boss." Before walking away with the papers. After walking away towards the tavern, he looks over his shoulder and does his ridiculous wink, and raises an eyebrow, before entering the tavern. Varric whistles before everyone looks at Lavellan. 

"So, what are you going to do?" Varric, the cheeky shit, asks. Sylrae blinks twice before a light blush covers his face, and he taps two of his fingers to his lips. He hums before answering. 

"Well, I do need those papers," he comments, "so, there's only one choice." He smiles and nods, before standing. "I'm going after him." 

Varric wolf-whistles as Sylrae walks away, all prim and proper despite what was surely about to occur. Dorian yells, "Use plenty of lubrication!" Across the courtyard. Cassandra makes a disgusted noise before plopping onto the seat where Sylrae was previously sitting. She looks between Varric and Dorian with both of her eyebrows raised. 

"When did they... get together?" She asks slowly, only for Varric to shrug and Dorian to place his fingers on his chin, looking up into the sky. 

"I don't know," Dorian answers, "I didn't even know they were attracted to each other!" He exclaims before shaking his head. "Such a shame," he mutters to himself, shaking his head and sighing wistfully, "they're both so..." 

"So what?" Cassandra asks, and Dorian startles before flushing. 

"NOTHING! I didn't even say anything! Did you Varric?" He quickly exclaims, not giving Varric a chance to speak before continuing. "Must've been nothing- are you hearing things Cassandra- you should go see the healers about that! Now I've got to go do... research! Yes! Bye!" Dorian's dark skin flushed even darker as his hands fumbled to gather his book and he quickly stands up and leaves. Cassandra makes another disgusted noise before shaking her head. 

"What was that about?" She questioned, only for Varric to laugh. "What?" 

"Don't you see, Seeker?" Varric leaned closer, talking in a conspiratorial tone as Cassandra shot him a suspicious look. "He's in love with them!" He stage whispered. 

Cassandra turned towards Varric with wide eyes. "Really?" She whispered with wide eyes. Varric nodded with a cheap stake grin. 

" Hopelessly in love. Haven't you seen the way he looks at them? And now they're leaving him behind," Varric sighed theatrically as Cassandra gasped. 

" No !" Varric shook his head. At her whispered outburst. 

"Yes! Can't you see it, Seeker? He's heartbroken , they all love each other but don't even know!" Unfortunately for Cassandra, she was hooked and didn't even realize that Varric was using his storytelling voice. Suddenly she gasped as Varric looked amusedly on. 

"Varric! I know what we have to do!" She exclaimed. 

"What do we have to do, Seeker?" 

"We have to make them realize their love for each other! We can help them get together!" Varric stifled his laughter but felt a shit-eating grin crawl across his face. 

"You're right! But, we'll need help." He nods to himself. 

Dorian shuddered midway up the stairs to the library. He just had the oddest ominous feeling come over him... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Otherwise titled: Sylrae, just shut your mouth and take a nap.


	2. Snakes, Sylrae's Adventure at the Winter Palace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylrae is not having a good time at the Winter Palace. Thankfully, his loves are there to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dorian is new to their relationship, and the ease in which they express their affection for each other throws him through a loop every single time.

He looked to the left, and then the right. All around him were masked faces sneering and whispering about him. About his  vallaslin , about his hair, his pointed ears, his smile less face, his stupid \- stupid matching uniform. About his status, his actions, his choices, and worst of all- his mercy. His ability to give second chances. The slimy  Orlaisian nobles didn't do mercy. The Game didn't have mercy. They criticized him for being weak, for being un able to sentence anyone to the fate of death by guillotine, or hanging, or being forgotten in the dungeons and throwing away the key. Left and right they stood in their stupid  Orlaisian masks, with their dresses and suits, and ridiculous hats. They hid beh ind their masks because to take it off would be to show yourself and to claim responsibility for their actions, but he had to play nice with them- only for tonight.

Only tonight, because if he didn't play nice then Empress  Celene would have been assassi nated, and that would be another avoidable death on his hands, in his head, on his conscience, smearing more red onto his soul. And, frankly,  Sylrae wouldn't be able to handle it if something more that he was supposed to take care of went wrong. He was on  the verge of locking himself in a room and crying hysterically for an hour and a half. It didn't help that he was hyper-aware that every frown or every time he didn't look someone in the eyes his approval rating dropped. But he could look at their nose or  forehead or ears, and they'd think that he was looking in their eyes. And every frown he could explain away as troublesome Inquisition matters, and of course, he'd like some advice, please and thank you. He memorized every face, every title, every behavior , and every bow.  Sylrae sighed- silently because otherwise, fifty nobles would come rushing to his aid as another fifty judge him silently- and stopped by Josephine for a quick update, wondering why he had to stay here when the mission was already complete d.

"Oh, if you left now it'd be improper! You'd be seen as rude and we can't have that!" Her face was a mask of shock and disappointment as if he hadn't asked the same question an hour and a half ago. And the hour before that. But  Sylrae only nodded and made his way around the dancefloor again, checking in on everyone who had wanted to be checked on and staying away from those who had their fill of him. He spotted a balcony, all abandoned and alone, and hesitantly made his way over to it, not wanting to  be caught alone by one of the nobles again. 

The first time he'd snuck off to a balcony, Gaspard had been there, drunk, and had tried to flirt with him. The second time he found  Briala , who had tried to make him feel guilty for not doing more for the elves when he was already doing all that he could and then whined about her broken heart caused by Celene. When he caught Celene on a balcony alone, she had basically stated that she believed he could prevent the assassination -she knew- and that he had her full support. And then tried to not-so- subtly psychologically trick him into helping her. Then he ran into  Briala for the  _ second  _ time, who tried a sympathetic approach this time, and then Duchess Florianne yelled that he was a mistake and should die from a balcony. Several noblemen- Lord Morin, Lord De Villepin, and Lord Bullion, had all cornered him separately on balconies, all wanting different things. Lord Morin wanted to eradicate the alienage where he lived -he didn't care what happened to the elves, Lord De Villepin wanted to donate to the war effort, and Lord Bullion wanted... to sleep with him. Then several Ladies also did the exact same things, wanting fame, fortune, sex, or a problem to be solved. Usually, though they thought they could obtain these things  _ through  _ sex, so it was a very awkward rebuttal every time.

They thought he was cute though and didn't take offense. In fact, his care for them had boosted the approval ratings significantly. But that wasn't the point, the point was  that  Sylrae finally found an empty balcony, where he could brood in peace without rumors and whispers following and tormenting him every step of the way. It didn't take long for someone to bother him though. It was Morrigan, and she said something sarcasti c about being employed to the Inquisition, and he rebutted with something equally sarcastic and she left with a facial expression that was very nearly a smile.  Sylrae sighed, finally thinking he was alone before the tell-tale  _ thump  _ _ thump _ __ _ thump _ signaled tha t now the Iron Bull was arriving.

Sylrae sighed again, the cool breeze picking up his long choppy completely unfashionable hair and waving it in the breeze. Another sigh got trapped in his throat as the Iron Bull thumped him solidly on the back, knockin g the air out of him. 

"They ran out of that cheese dip," he started, completely unprompted, causing a fondly exasperated look to erupt from  Sylrae's face. Of course Bull would comment about the food. "I asked for more, and they gave me this  _ look _ , the assholes."

Sylrae chuckled involuntarily, and the Iron Bull asked, "How  ya doing?"

"It's.... been a long day,"  Sylrae offered with a bit of a crooked smile before sighing. "A very, very long day. I've been propositioned at least.... twelve times ? Apparently, I'm pretty, for an elf." The Iron Bull laughed.

"Bet you got all cute and flustered, having to turn them down. Any marriage proposals? I know Dorian was betting on at  _ least  _ one." Bull shook his head like nobles were kind of amusing, in their own way.

"Talking about me behind my back? I see how it is," Dorian came strutting through the still-open doors to the balcony.  Sylrae sighed and glared at the doorstoppers which kept the doors from closing. "Although, seeing as how we are at an  Orlaisian party, there is little else to do besides drink and gossip. Now, if this were  _ Tevinter _ __ there would be three murders, at least, before eight o'clock. And five blood-magic rituals before the night's end. Now  _ that's  _ a party."

The I ron Bull scoffed and curled his arm around  Sylrae's waist, and Dorian smiled affectionately, taking  Sylrae's hand and giving it a quick  kiss. "Damn ' Vints , making shitty parties even shittier," Bull grumbled, causing  Sylrae to elbow him lightly. 

"What? it's true." He whined, causing  Sylrae to frown at him. Dorian only laughed at their exchange, as he was the newest addition to the relationship and still experiencing the novelty of their banter.

"I'm sure the parties in  Tevinter are plenty of fun, Dor ian,"  Sylrae offered with a wince while Dorian shook his head.

"No, it's alright, I'm afraid I wasn't very popular there either," he giggled with a small wince of his own, before shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. "I would've likely left early if thi s were  Tevinter . Although, I'll brave the terrible... lavender?... perfume and the poor conversation for you two,  amatus ,  deliciae ." He nodded to the both of them and Bull pulled him in with the arm that wasn't currently holding onto  Sylrae .

Bull plante d a kiss onto both of their heads before grinning.

"Now, I know you asked me to dance in front of all those stuffy nobles, tiny  kadan ." The Iron Bull kissed the top of  Sylrae's head as he flushed.

"I did?" The Iron Bull nodded.

"You did." Dorian n odded this time, lacing his fingers together with  Sylrae's .

"You also asked me to dance,  deliciae , and I do plan to collect." He smiled, before adding on, "but we can dance right here, I won't make you dance with me in front of the  Orlaisian court." The Iron Bull laughed in response.

"Could you imagine? Dorian and I, spinning you on the dancefloor? A Qunari, Dalish elf, and a 'Vint... We should do it. C'mon kadans, we've got to!" The Iron Bull  _ did  _ paint a pretty picture,  Sylrae had to admit. Dorian turned red and seemed to protest, but couldn't actually get any words out in common. He did release a small string of  Tevene , which had to be curses, and  Sylrae laughed brightly.

"Bleeding thorns, Bull! You've broken Dorian!  Ma'lath , are you with us?"  Sylrae lea ned forwards to look into Dorian's eyes, only for Dorian to pull him close and hide his face in  Sylrae's neck. "Oh, poor  Ma'lath .  Vhen'an , you've broken him."  Sylrae playfully shook his head at the Iron Bull who only chortled.

"Look! The music's finally picked up to something you can actually  _ dance  _ to! Come on!" The Iron Bull roared in joy, taking both of his  kadans in hand, and pulling them into the ballroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OT3; The Iron Bull, Sylrae Lavellan, and Dorian Pavus. Originally Sylrae and Bull were in a relationship, but on behalf of nearly all of Skyhold and their ships, Dorian was pushed into the fray. 
> 
> PET NAMES 
> 
> Bull; Amatus (beloved), and Vhen'an (my home/heart) 
> 
> Sylrae; Deliciae (sweetheart), and Kadan (where the heart lies, my heart) 
> 
> Dorian; Ma'lath (my love), and Kadan (where the heart lies, my heart)


	3. Picnic Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylrae tries to surprise his lovers. It works.

Sylrae bounced on his heels, toes to heels- heels to toes. A habit that he had picked up from Dorian, who always slightly bounces whenever he's excited about whatever had popped into his mind this time. Bull always had thoug ht it was cute, and Sylrae accidentally picked it up. After spending so much time around people, he always picked up some of their habits, much to the chagrin of his keeper.

He pressed his lips together, halting his bouncing. What if Dorian or Bull were busy? What if they didn't like the surprise? Sylrae shook his head. He would never be able to do anything nice for his loves with that attitude. He popped into Josephine's office quickly.

"Are you sure-" He began, only to be cut off.

"For the fifth  time, yes Inquisitor, we can handle a day off." Josephine smiled soothingly, leaving her desk to give Sylrae a quick hug. "I'm sure they'll love it." Sylrae sighed in relief.

"Thank you, Lady Montilyet."

"It's just Josephine,  _ Lord Inquisitor _ ." They both looked at each other seriously for a moment, before bursting out in giggles. After a minute of laughing, Josephine pushed him towards the door, saying, "Now off with you! Go get your men!"

Sylrae saluted at her before ducking back into the main hall and using his  roguish abilities managed to evade all the nobles in the hall and duck into the mage tower. He waved to Solas before bounding up the stairs.

"Deliciae! How are you, today?" Dorian called the minute he saw Sylrae, meeting him halfway to w rap his arms around him. Sylrae sighed into the embrace and his ears twitched and a small blush took over his face as he kissed Dorian's cheek. It was worth it though, to see the wide smile Dorian gave him in return before kissing Sylrae's cheek and nuzzli ng into the junction where his head met his neck, right by his ear.

"I'm alright, but I do have an idea to make today even better," he commented, causing Dorian to pop up enthusiastically and start bouncing on his feet like he always does. Dorian, as af fectionate as ever, pecks his nose and lips quickly before waiting patiently for Sylrae to continue, but Sylrae can't force the words out.

"Well, out with it, deliciae! I'm on the edge of my proverbial seat!" Dorian exclaimed, squeezing his sides since his arms we re still around him.

"W-well... I was wondering if... if you wanted  to... " He trailed off, looking down, only for Dorian to give him a squeeze in encouragement. "Uh, if you wanted to...  goonapicnicwithmeandBull ?" Dorian laughs.

"Deliciae, could you re peat that for me please?" Sylrae sighs and nuzzles himself into Dorian's neck, as Dorian soothingly runs his hands up and down his back. "It's alright, I'm sure I'll want to do whatever you're trying to ask of me. Do you just want to lead me to whatever it is?"

Sylrae nodded enthusiastically, unspeakably happy for Dorian giving him an out. He stepped out of Dorian's embrace and took his hand instead, leading him down the stairs and out of the castle, to the tavern. The door opened to the loud laughter of friends and alcohol all kept in one place.

"Kadans!" The Iron Bull cheerfully roared when they entered, causing a smile to spread across both Dorian and Sylrae's faces.

"Amatus, our little elf wants to show us something." Dorian inclined his head to wards the door as Bull excitingly looks between his kadans. Thankfully, Bull gets the hint quickly and rises out of his chair to follow. The Chargers wolf-whistle as they leave the building, and Sylrae leads them straight out of Skyhold. It's obvious that  Dorian has a million and one questions as the guards smile and whisper when they leave, waving to Sylrae as he leads them through the snow to a small cave that has been made into a sanctuary. The opening is blocked off with a wall and a door, which Sylrae  quickly ushers them into. A fire is going inside the cave and furs are laid on the ground with a large basket in the middle.

"Delicae?" Dorian's voice is awed as he takes in the fur-lined walls and the surprisingly hot air inside the cave. The Iron Bull plops himself on a rug near the main one and looks around with a smile.

"Is this your home away from home, tiny kadan?" His hand with the missing fingers pokes the basket before sniffing the air. Sylrae shrugs off his heavy coat and clunky boots near t he door before joining Bull near the basket, and beginning to unpack it, revealing the food and drink kept inside. 

"Ma'lath," Sylrae calls from the rug, enticing Dorian closer. It works. Dorian gracefully plops onto the rug on the opposite side of Sylr ae. "I got you wine." He smiles with a light blush, handing Dorian a bottle of Sun 'Vint whatever. He didn't read it closely but Dorian is rubbing the neck of the bottle with a sort of awed look, so Sylrae assumes he did something right. He keeps his eyes  on Dorian, who's trying to find the words, and passes Bull a small container.

Bull opens the container first thing before his booming laugh echoes around the room. "Spicy nuts!" He laughs. "You know what I like, kadan!" He thumps Sylrae on the back befo re eating some. Dorian decides that instead of talking he'll use actions instead. He pulls Sylrae into a one-armed embrace and kisses the top of his head. Sylrae nuzzles closer and presses a kiss to the underside of Dorian's jaw.

The picnic proceeds, Do rian collects himself, and everyone ends up talking about things that have happened recently. Stories are shared and a lot of laughing is shared over food. It is a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this one they've been in a relationship for a longer time, as Dorian is perfectly comfortable with affection now. (He sometimes still glances around before kissing his lovers, but now it's just an adorable force of habit.)


	4. Struggling Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylrae is sick of people who don't know him telling him what to do.

He knew it was going to be bad. He knew that as progressive as his clan was, this was blasphemous. He knew, and he didn't even attempt to stop himself from veering down this road at dangerous speeds, already kno wing he was going to crash. But how could he have? He felt lost, in this new position. As Inquisitor, as Herald, as a leader. But he found himself and his will to move forwards in the Iron Bull's grin and terrible puns. He found it in Dorian's dramatic fla ir and overblown scoffs. He felt it in the Iron Bull's arms and Dorian's kisses, and who was he to deny himself something so right?

Perhaps if he had been born into a different clan, things wouldn't have worked out this way. If his mother had been a full elf instead of a half-elf if his father had been a hunter instead of a mage if he hadn't been born under the glassy night sky... But he was, and they were, and now this is all there is. All his choices, and all of theirs, and everyone  else's lead to this. His fate, tied into a pretty blood-red ribbon and sealed with his lovers' kisses. He re-read the letter, and frowned, contemplating throwing it into the fire so nobody could see. But already he knew Leliana saw, she always read his mail before him, and that meant that this couldn't be hidden and forgotten, as it could have if  only he had seen it.

_ 'Dear  _ _ lethallin _ _ , _

_ We are sorry to see you have chosen such a sorrowful path, and we would like it if you came to visit us, so we could help you find a _ _ happier path. _

_ Your mind has been twisted, by a  _ _ Qunari _ _ and a  _ _ Tevinter _ _ Magister, in a troubling time. Will you also let the  _ _ Qunari _ _ turn you to the Qun, or let the  _ _ Tevinter _ _ Magister make you a slave? _

_ Haven't you suffered enough at the hands of  _ _ Tevinter _ __ _ she _ _ mlen _ _? Now you are being grabbed by  _ _ Qunari _ _ hands too. We cannot let this stand. Have you forgotten who you are? _

_ What you stand for? We knew when you were pronounced Herald of Andraste you would have trouble. Do you sincerely believe this was the Creator's  _ _ plan? _

_ The Creators wish you back into our arms, and we wish you free of the Makers'. Have you truly been so  _ _ deceived _ _ as to believe that the  _ _ shemlen _ _ God has chosen you? _

_ Do you not see your  _ _ vallaslin _ _ every morning, in the  _ _ shemlen's _ _ mirror? Have you forgott _ _ en the Creators song and the prayers you used to pray every night? _

_ Have you forgotten what the  _ _ shemlen _ _ did to you? What they are doing now? Have you forgotten our dances and our life as a clan? Are you  _ _ dalish _ _ , or are you a city elf? _

_ There is _ _ a rumor tha _ _ t you've become a flat-ear. A human sympathizer. They have pushed elves like you into slavery and  _ _ alienages _ _ , have battered and bruised, and killed us. _

_ Has your kindness and compassion turned into complacency _ _ and compromise _ _? How much of yourself are you willin _ _ g to sacrifice for the  _ _ shemlen _ _? _

_ Do you even speak Elven anymore? Or do you now speak  _ _ Tevene _ _? Or  _ _ Orlaisian _ _. How much of our tongue have you forgotten? How much have you let them twist your mind? _

_ Do you not remember the Exalted March? What your mother suff _ _ ered through in the Alienage? _

_ We will help you find your way,  _ _ da'len _ _ , come find us. We will fix this. _

_ Signed, your true people _

_ Keeper  _ _ Lavellan _ _ ' _

He sighed, and felt tears well in his eyes, and wiped them with a sleeve. Their disapproval is not worth crying over, and he had already made his choice. And besides, they knew bloody well that he has been fluent in  Tevene for years. He folded the letter and threw it next to him on the bed. No looking back now, the only thing left to do is pave the way forwards. He knew that their words about him stirred an old fear in him, but was quickly able to settle it. What he couldn't settle was the words thrown at his lovers. The Iron Bull had left the Qun and was finding a new purpose. Dorian now strongly believes that slavery is wrong. And he wasn't even a Magister!  Sylrae snorted and shook his head with a smile. That just made his clan sound like barbarians, he thought with a small chuckle. Would they throw such words at  Krem if they had known about him? Probably. Not for the first time,  Sylrae found himself happy that he did not share in his clan's close-mindedness, but he had to wonder how his brother was doing. Hopefully, he wasn't caught in the crossfire. He stood up and made his way to his mirror, and checked himself over, smiling. He didn't feel as bad about this as his clan probably believed he should. Looking at himself, wearing some of Dorian's  jewelry with a  qunari hairstyle that Bull had done for him  made him feel better. His hair twisted and braided out of his face, now longer than ever, with golden decorations of Dorian's approval made  Sylrae feel... cared for.

Sylrae moved to his desk, taking a deep breath before pulling out a piece of paper and a quill, writing his own letter in response.

_ 'Dear Keepe _ _ r, _

_ I do not have to explain my actions to you, nor do I have to believe anything you or the Chantry priests attempt to sway me into believing.  _ _ Ma'lath _ _ is an Altus, not a Magister. Making such a big mistake  _ _ likens _ _ you to barbarians. And ma  _ _ vhen'an _ _ is  _ _ t _ _ al-vashoth _ _ , and does not follow the Qun. Both  _ _ ma'lath _ _ and ma  _ _ vhen'an _ _ watch out for me and like to make sure I know when someone is being  _ _ deceitful _ _ or trying to sway my opinion.  _

_ If I were to let them read your letter, ma  _ _ vhen'an _ _ would compare your words  _ _ to something a  _ _ qunari _ _ re-educator would say to convert someone to the Q _ _ un _ _ , and  _ _ ma'lath _ _ would scoff and say it was a poorly disguised attempt to steal my choices from me. You have not met my loves, and with your deeply rooted dislike for them on principle,  _ _ it is unlikely that I would ever afford you the chance.  _

_ I have made my choice, and I will keep to them the way you taught me. You knew full well of my fluency in  _ _ Tevene _ _ , and my  _ _ attempts _ _ to learn many other languages, including  _ _ Orlaisian _ _. While it is tru _ _ e that I am  _ _ surrounded by the faithful, and that they do not understand the Creators or their importance to the  _ _ Dalish _ _ , many have tried to, which is more than I can say for you.  _

_ There is also a group of us  _ _ dalish _ _ , exiled, and cast aside from our clans. A _ _ lthough some have left with their clan's blessing,  _ _ unfortunately, _ _ we cannot all claim the same. _

_ I am a mage and a hunter. I was a fog-warrior in  _ _ Seheron _ _ , and I was a slave in  _ _ Tevinter _ _. I have never believed in the  _ _ Dalish _ _ gods themselves, nor have I beli _ _ eved in the Maker and Andraste. But I do believe in faith and hope, and if these people can find that through their god and my actions, then I will be glad to play this role. I have always sympathized with people, and I always will. _

_ If you wish to call me _ _ a flat ear, then I cannot stop you, but I can tell you if I am a flat ear now, then I always have been, and always will be. You cannot stop me in defining myself as  _ _ Dalish _ _ , either. _

_ I have fallen in love with these men, and will not stop loving them when  _ _ I lose your approval. I may even marry them if I wish. I knew from the start that you would not approve of this choice, but if I find my future in the arms of these men, then I will stay. _

_ Could you inform  _ _ Mamae _ _ ,  _ _ Papae _ _ , and Wynnie that I love them? They ar _ _ e allowed to come to meet my loves at any time. And I would like to hear from them and know how they are doing. _

_ Tuelanen _ __ _ i'na _

_ Vunarsyl _ _ Valerian Silas Orion Neoma Gennadius  _ _ Latharia _ __ _ Lavellan _ _ ' _

Rereading it made Sylrae smile, and he knew that the end w ould bother them the most. Telling his clan that they couldn't meet his loves, telling his family that he loves them, and to write more, ending it off with "Creators be with you" in elvish, and then every name he's ever gone by that they'd hate. Leaving his clan-name at the end, after his Tevinter and Seheron names. They tried to open old wounds and rub salt in them, so they shouldn't be too surprised when he responds with a slap in the face and kick in the dick. He hummed, and folded the letter, and thought about keeping it for himself. They didn't need his explanations. But Sylrae found himself proud of all that he is, and his defiance. Perhaps he could show his lovers. Sylrae shook his head with a huff. Perhaps not, knowing Dorian he'd blame himself for th eir bigotry, and Bull would watch him extra closely for any mental hurt caused by his clan. But, as Sylrae got up and looked in the mirror again, he couldn't help but see himself, in all his entirety. He could see himself at several points in time peering  into reflective surfaces, seeing his face and how he'd changed and what he's been through since the last time, and he decided it might be time for a haircut.

_ //////////////-------------------=============>>>>>>> _

"You sure about this, Herald?" Krem lo oked into Sylrae's eyes through the mirror, standing behind the chair that Sylrae himself was crouched in. Sylrae smiled.

"Of course, it's about time to change up my hair anyway." Sylrae tilted his head, his long hair flowing with his movements. Krem sn orted, before lifting the scissors he held in his hand.

"Well, don't come running to me when your admirers start crying about your missing hair," he smiled widely, and  Sylrae smiled back.

/////////-----------======????

"Do you think they'll like i t?" He peered into his reflection, dark blue eyes taking in his black hair, and tucking a strand behind his pointed ear. His vallaslin glowed the bright green it always does, and Sylrae found himself smiling. Krem scoffed before rolling his eyes fondly.

"They like just about everything you do. Chief won't shut up about you." Krem affectionately punched Sylrae's shoulder, prompting them both to giggle. "Maybe next you should get some piercings." Krem teased.

Sylrae hummed, looking at himself in the mir ror and imagining himself with gold piercings- because Dorian wouldn't settle for anything less- before grinning.

"I just might." Krem shook his head, before gathering up his cutting materials. Long strands of black hair littered the floor, and Sylrae s tood in the middle looking at himself in the mirror. He hummed again, before turning to Krem. "Could you ask Varric to come in when you leave?"

Krem laughed.

////////=======>>>>>>>>>>>

"Maker, Bottles, what did you do to your hair?" Varric laughed , walking in. Sylrae only smiled.

"Varric, you know how to do piercings, correct?"

"Andraste's tits, you've gone off the deep end, haven't you?" He shook his head with a laugh, stepping behind  Sylrae in his chair by the mirror. He placed his hands on Sylrae's shoulders, before grinning at him in the mirror before winking. "Don't worry, I won't tell Cassandra."

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////-------------------------------===============>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"I can't be lieve that you had a tongue piercing, and a nose piercing before you had ear piercings!" Varric exclaimed, wiping blood off of a needle.

"Well, I was a pirate for a while." Varric choked on his saliva.

"What? When did that happen?" Sylrae shook his h ead.

"I'll tell you later. After I go see Dorian and the Bull." Sylrae winked as Varric laughed. Sylrae made his way to the door before turning around.

"Varric?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For everything."

"... no need to thank me. Now, go knock ' em dead, Bottles."

Sylrae made his way down the stairs, when halfway down Varric called down, making him laugh so hard he almost fell down the stairs.

"Bottles! Don't tell Cassandra, she'll kill me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAKEOVER TIME!!!
> 
> Also:: Whenever I draw him I always draw the version that happens after THIS chapter.
> 
> https://ibispaint.com/art/660946063/  
> https://ibispaint.com/art/908852586/


	5. Struggle Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylrae shows his lovers his new look!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut is ahead... BEWAARREEE

Sylrae exited into the main hall of  Skyhold , and almost  immediately there where gasps and whispers. Some  noblewoman cried out 'the Inquisitor!' before fainting.  Sylrae couldn't suppress his smile. At this rate, the news on his appearance would spread like wildfire around  Skyhold . He had changed outfits between  Krem's exit and Varric's entrance, into something a bit better. A loose black vest that was left unbuttoned, showing his bare torso, tight black leather pants, and leather high heeled boots that went to just below his knees. His tongue and nose piercings were in, along with his new three per ear earrings. He put some kohl around his eyes in a smoky look that he knows the Iron Bull likes, and all the piercings were golden colored for Dorian. A colorful  sash was tied around his waist, and his hair in a loose flowing ponytail. Although the sides of his head were shaved, the top stayed long. Some golden bracelets, rings, and  necklaces found their way onto his person, and some beads, feathers, and other little trinkets were braided into his hair. His hair was a mixture of messy braided and  nonbraided strands which flowed down his back. The crowd parted easily for  Sylrae as he walked down the hall, and he saw several nobles flush and look him up and down. Good, that was what I was aiming for,  Sylrae thought to himself. Heading to Varric's table found  Krem and Varric talking, but as soon as  Sylrae got into range  Krem choked on his drink. Varric looked behind him to see  Sylrae , and his eyes widened before he gave a low whistle. 

Sylrae nodded with a grin, winking, causing Varric and Krem to laugh. He ducked into the mage's tower. Solas turned to greet him before freezing in place, and Sylrae decided to turn and head u p the stairs. Dorian's back was turned when he came up the stairs, as he was looking at some heavy looking tomb. Everyone else in the library turned to stare, mouths  agape , but Dorian was left none the wiser.

"Ma' lath , what have you been up to today?" S ylrae called, grinning, watching Dorian smile without looking up from his book.

"Well, I've found this extremely fascinating tomb on the properties of-  Vishante kaffas !" Dorian had turned around in the middle of his  sentence before exclaiming at  Sylrae's appearance.  Sylrae placed a hand at his hip and cocked his head to the side with a grin. Dorian's mouth dropped as he slowly, and obviously, gave  Sylrae a complete up and down look. " Festis bei umo canavarum ," Dorian swore weakly.

Sylrae sauntered for wards and dragged one of his hands from Dorian's chest to the back of his head, watching him flush and  shudder . While arousal was _not_ what he was _originally_ going for, the power that he was currently wielding and the way Dorian was acting was _certainly_ doi ng something for him.

"How do you like it?" Sylrae questioned, stepping forwards and adoring the power and control that he  didn't even know he had over Dorian.  Dorian's hands flew to his hips and rubbed patterns with his thumbs over them, before swallow ing and looking Sylrae in the eye.

" Kaffas ,  Deliciae , you have no idea what you do to a man," Dorian started, before sharply inhaling as  Sylrae's other hand came to rest on his arm, "you look.... well, it would be inappropriate to say even half of how you look  out loud ."  Sylrae's face turned a bit pink at that, but he leaned in closer with a whispered 'really?' anyway. Dorian surged forwards to start a hot and heavy kiss, which they had to quickly break for air.  Sylrae giggled at Dorian's blissed  outlook before kissing his nose.

"Now, I would love to prolong this, but I'm afraid our dear lover hasn't seen me yet." Dorian quickly snapped out of it and shook his  head, before a  mischievous grin over took his face.

"Really?" He purred. "Well then, we shouldn't keep Bull waiting!  But I'm warning  you, if he pins you to the nearest  surface, I'm not stopping him." Dorian winked, taking  Sylrae by the hand to lead him down the stairs.  Sylrae laughed as Leliana wolf-whistled as they left, and quickly they were exciting the main hall and taking the stairs down to the tavern two at a time. The gossip had already spread throughout  Skyhold and people were openly gaping at him as he walked past. Scout Harding winked with a 'looking good, Inquisitor' before they ducked into the tavern. As soon as  Sylrae entered, the entire tavern went quiet, and when the Iron Bull turned from the Chargers to see what had caused the silence, he instead got an eyeful of a newly makeovered elf with Dorian very nearly shoving him in his face.

"Kadans?" He rumbled, wrapping his arm around both of their waists to bring them closer. He looked Sylrae over as the Chargers whistled.

"Deliciae had decided to get a haircut, evidently." Dorian grinned, gesturing at Sylrae. Sylrae nodded happil y.

"I was thinking about cutting my hair, and that kind of turned into a whole makeover. I really wanted to surprise you both." The Iron Bull shook his head with a grin, before laughing.

"You must have surprised all of Skyhold, walking around like th at!" He chuckled, before looking him up and down with a grin. "Though, if you need help getting out of those clothes, I'm your man." He purred as Dorian hummed, nodding.

"When are you available?" Sylrae shot back, only to watch Bull grin wider.

"Righ t now, actually."

=--------------------------===============----------------=============>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The Chargers had whistled and laughed at them the whole way out, and in the main hall there were people who watched as the Iron Bull carried bot h of his kadans back into Sylrae's room, dumping them onto the bed. Dorian huffed at the behavior as Sylrae giggled, before Dorian reached under him and produced a paper.

"What's this?" He asked, as Bull was busy by the end table looking for oil, and ne arly opened that paper when he suddenly had an armful of elf.

"Inquisition stuff, probably,"  Sylrae breathily replied, grabbing the  paper and tossing it on the floor before kissing Dorian hotly. After a few minutes they  separated , and Dorian saw the paper left on the floor and huffed out a laugh.

"If that's how you treat official  business , then I pity your advisors," but he  didn't get much out after that as  Sylrae lapped at his lips until he opened his mouth in a kiss. Dorian groaned into the kiss, grabbing  Sylrae's hips and grinding up into him.  Sylrae gasped as he began to feel red-hot and tingly all over. As he moaned into the kiss, he heard Bull groan, and slick sounds coming from his direction. Bull sat down on the edge of the bed, before pulling  Sylrae into his lap to start removing his clothes. Both elf and human whined, but quickly Dorian began helping to  unlace Sylrae's boots.

"Alright, what's the rules," Bull rumbled, Sylrae's vest now on the floor giving him room to bite at Sylrae's shoulde r. The elf keened, before panting out the rules.

"Nnn.... no accidental magic, say katoh and everything stops,  won't hurt 'less we want...." Bull rumbled approvingly, and moved to palm Sylrae through his pants. Bull's hand could easily grab  all of Sylra e's pelvis, with how big it was, and Sylrae absolutely loved it. 

"Hear that, mage?" Sylrae panted as Dorian quickly nodded, finally having removed both of Sylrae's socks and shoes. Sylrae made a sharp noise in the back of his throat as the Iron Bull lifted him up with one large hand around half of his torso. The big-ness of the Iron Bull took his breath away at times. Quickly his  sash and pants were both discarded, and that left Sylrae very naked.

Dorian leaned over and licked at a nipple until it hardened before lightly dragging his hand up  Sylrae's already hard cock to show his approval with  Sylrae having skipped wearing smalls. Bull rumbled his approval before setting out to remove Dorian of his clothes, which he quickly completed. Bull had already taken off his clothes after he found the oil, and pulled both of his  kadans into his lap. Dorian whined and jerked as both he and  Sylrae were  maneuvered so that each of Bull's thick thighs were between their legs. Bull leaned down and gave each of them an  open-mouthed kiss, before deciding to re-arrange them onto the bed. Dorian was placed down first, laying down on his back, and then  Sylrae was placed on top of him on his stomach, as they both groaned. Their hips jerked in unison, and they whined as their cocks pressed together.  Sylrae's legs were spread on the outside of Dorian's hips, and Dorian's legs were spread around Bull's hips as he stood and checked their positioning. Bull grabbed the oil before coating his fingers in it and rubbing them firmly against  Sylrae's hole.

The elf's body spasmed unexpectedly at the fingers, gripping onto Dorian's shoulders tightly, before Dorian pressed his mouth against  Sylrae's in a messy kiss. Saliva leaked out of the corner of Dorian's mouth, and he swallowed  Sylrae's muffled moan when Bull wiggled a finger inside.  Sylrae shuffled on top of Dorian as Bull's finger pumped in and out, gasping whenever Bull hit his sweet spot. Soon another finger was inserted, and Dorian scratched his nails down  Sylrae's back to distract him. It worked, as while  Sylrae moaned at the burn of the scratches, he  didn't feel the burn of the stretch of another finger inside him. Soon enough three fingers were pumping in and out before Bull removed them all. Since the kiss had devolved to Dorian and  Sylrae panting into each other's mouths,  Sylrae pushed himself up to look at Bull questioningly, but as he was trying to  turn, he heard Dorian let out a loud moan and paused to look down at his human lovers' flushing face.

"K- kaffas ," he stuttered, his arms tensing around  Sylrae . The elf leaned down to give him a  chaste kiss before his hips were pushed down by the Iron Bull, onto Dorian's freshly lubricated prick.  Sylrae sat up before shivering with a weak moan at the feeling of Dorian's head at his entrance. The Iron Bull rubbed it a few times back and forth as  Sylrae's hips jerked and his mind fuzzed. And then, he held it still, and pressed the elf down onto it.  Sylrae cried out and arched his back letting little punched out breaths and moans as he slowly sunk down onto Dorian. Dorian's hands squeezed the dark-skinned elf's thighs as he went down. As  Sylrae's hips lowered, they twitched and jerked within the Iron Bull's hands, and Dorian groaned feeling every spasm around his cock. They both groaned as  Sylrae's hips finally sank down fully onto Dorian's hips. One of Bull's hands reached up  and turned Sylrae's head, leaning down and giving him an  open-mouthed sloppy kiss that lasted several minutes, with  Sylrae breathing out little moans into Bull's mouth. The kiss was interrupted when Dorian rolled his hips, causing  Sylrae to jerk with a cry. Bull snickered and moved away, removing his hands from the elf's hips, which led Dorian to grab his hips instead.  Sylrae placed his hands flat on Dorian's chest, and bounced a little. 

Bull moved around behind them, spreading Dorian's legs and kissing Sylrae's shoulder. Even though Sylrae  couldn't see what was going on behind him, but based on Dorian's groan he had  a good idea of what was going on. Sylrae rocked a bit more urgently causing Dorian to arch with a choked  whine .

"Kaffas! I-I can't... not at the same time..." Dorian whined as his hips bucked. Bull darkly laughed.

"I think you can take  it; don't you agree  kadan ?" Bull licked the outer shell of  Sylrae's ear, the elf keened before nodding enthusiastically. "In fact, I think you should go harder." Bull bit down on  Sylrae's shoulder.

Sylrae panted before lifting himself up before slamming himself back down. He ground down on Dorian, who was stuck wit h his eyes tightly  closed and his mouth  agape . "Dorian," Sylrae whined. Dorian groaned in response.

But then Bull grabbed Dorian's hips and shifted, and suddenly Dorian jerked with a cry that somehow hit  Sylrae's sweet spot. "O-oh Creators,"  Sylrae moaned, wiggling on Dorian's lap but mercifully not bouncing while the Vint got used to Bull's length. Slurred  Tevene poured from Dorian's mouth as Bull slowly began thrusting, Bull leaving a bite on  Sylrae's freckled and scarred shoulder was his cue for movement. When Dorian got close,  almost telepathically Bull and  Sylrae went harder, and grinded into the poor human, who screamed as he came. Bull followed with a roar, and  Sylrae followed after both of his lovers managed to grip him so  hard, they left little half-moon  crescents in his skin that bled. The swelling crescendo had reached its peak, and crashed its waves on the shore.  Sylrae managed to fall backwards into Bull instead of on top of Dorian. Bull quickly shuffled both tired lovers around into a better position and cleaned everyone up, humming one of the Charger's tavern songs as he went. Dorian softly scoffed from his spot next to  Sylrae before smiling fondly when Bull turned his back. 

Sylrae snickered and thumped his hand on Dorian's chest. 

"I saw tha t  you sweet  sweet man."  Dorian huffed out a laugh before shaking his head. 

"You saw _nothing_!" He quickly grabbed  Sylrae to  manhandle him to the other side of him,  both of them laughing the entire time. Bull picked them both up with a roar before re-arrangi ng them again, and eventually they all settled down and fell asleep. 


	6. The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylrae is still grappling from the effects of the Well and what that means for him and those that he cares about. But at least now he knows why he's always loved flowing dresses.
> 
> Bull, Dorian, and Sylrae have a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really background-heavy and this is where Sylrae=Sylaise soldifies.

Sylrae stood there, looking into the mirror, and thinking. What if things had gone differently? What if he  hadn't drunk from the well, and never figured out that he was  actually Sylaise , reborn? A strange thought, to be sure, with an even stranger reality. How could he even wrap his head around the fact that he was Sylaise, the old Elvhen god? Or, Evanuris, rather. Old Elvhen magisters, who owned slaves. Isn't it ironic, that after being reborn, Sylaise the slave owner became a slave herself?  What's done is done though, and all  that's left is to stay under Solas/Fen'harel's radar. Sylrae almost  couldn't believe Mythal's old watchdog had the audacity to hide in plain sight, but  it's not as if anyone would recognize him  in this day and age .

And even if someone did,  they'd be outing themselves as ancient Elvhen too, so  it'd be a lose-lose scenario. Sylrae was terrified that if he revealed Solas, that everyone would think that he had been lying this entire time. _Bleeding thorns_ , he himself  didn't even know who he was until now. And now he was bound to old mother Mythal, who  hadn't recognized him, for good reason. But even so, he had led this whole new life and was a changed man (woman?). And yes, there was now that question, was he truly a man? Or was he a woman? Sure, Sylaise was a woman, but now having lived as Vunarsyl for so long...

He shook his head. When he  looked into the mirror, he saw Sylaise. In his _walk_ , in his _talk_ , in his _actions_ \-- it all led straight back to her. The voices from the well only called him Sylaise,  _mistress_ Sylaise, _Evanuris_ Sylaise. And it was getting to him. What if he really was Sylaise all along? What if he was never Vunarsyl Latharia? Why was this so difficult? The past haunted him, and for an earth-shattering moment he realized-- this is how Solas feels. He was just a wisdom spirit that Mythal had brought through to serve her, and he had become Pride after being in Arlathan as Mythal's guard dog for so long. And none of the Evanuris realized, and so Solas rebelled, so no other spirit would have to be put through the same. But the Evanuris  didn't want to stay locked away forever, and thus Sylaise escaped the glass prison with the power of all the other Evanuris and found herself reborn and devoid of all memory. Reborn as Vunarsyl Isenam Latharia. _And now what? How far had 'beloved Sylaise' fallen?_

But although Sylrae had been Sylaise at one point, that  didn't mean he was anymore. Sylaise's memories may now be his, but with a startling realization, he knew he  wasn't really Sylaise. He was born with her soul, and yet, _look at what_ _he's_ _done._ Sylaise, who had had slaves, who had had power and wealth and everything  she'd ever dreamed. Sylaise who never quite  got along with the other Evanuris, for she  didn't have the same cruel streak that they did, who was never happy despite her  high position in Elvhenan. And yet, who was Sylrae? A Dalish, born to a " feral " clan, a Tevinter slave, a  pirate and a fog warrior/dancer in Seheron, a viddathari under the Qun, an Orlaisian bard, member of an Avvar clan, and a student under the Chasind, and then re-accepted into a more open Dalish  clan. A mess, from start to finish, but looking back-- he  didn't regret it. Not a single choice, not a single friend made, not a single heartbreak. His brother, and mother and fathers, and everyone who had ever been there, and now  he's a member of the Inquisition. From all of that to the Herald of Andraste, to the Inquisitor, and now what? Sylaise? Where would he go from here?

Every single name  he'd ever taken. He could list them in order, but now Sylaise would have to go at the beginning of that list. So now it would be...

Evanuris Sylaise

Vunarsyl Isenam Latharia

Valerian Silas Gennadius

Orion Neoma Athanasiou

Hissera Issala Ataashi

Luis Marshall Noel Alaire

Aiken Amitai Carmel

Eindride Stian Stormhold

Ciarán

Mahalla Lavellan

Inquisitor Sylrae Lavellan, Herald of Andraste

That was a...  long list . In all honesty, most people  didn't even know  all of these names applied to the same person. Even Leliana  didn't know about his other names and the adventures that he had with them. He  didn't necessarily feel like he was lying to them, but there was so much that nobody had bothered to ask him. And  it's probably because  they'd given him plenty of chances to tell a story, but he was too oblivious to social cues to realize. And now it felt a bit too late, but as it stood everyone was giving him time to recover. The voices were loud, yes, but  not unmanageable . The Well was always meant for an Evanuris, if Morrigan had drunk from it she  would've needed the recovery time a lot more than Sylrae did. Sylrae snorted to himself, now sitting in his desk chair, at the reason he had drunk from the Well and recovered his memories in the first place. Because of little Kieran.  It's almost laughable, now. He was willing to sacrifice his sanity, just so that a little boy  wouldn't lose his mother to a well. Who  would've guessed that he had been  Evanuris after all ? He was willing to 'sacrifice' himself so that Mythal's other daughter  didn't have to bear the burden of being bound to her mother for all eternity. Or, well, until Mythal died anyway. Again. She really had to stop doing that.

And now  Sylrae sat in his room, knowing fully well that his lovers were waiting for him to come to them, and sitting there. Doing nothing but ponder the absurdity of the situation. What _would_ he tell his distraught lovers? That the Well of Sorrows  isn't actually all that bad after you get past the  initial migraine? That he was  actually an old  Elvhen equivalent of a Magister, and look how ironic that is! Seeing how he was a slave in  Tevinter for  a while . Oh, but, they  didn't even know about that whole ordeal, so they  wouldn't have the context to find it funny. What a _shame_.  Perhaps he should start with the fact that  Sylrae isn't even his quote en quote "real name"? Or  maybe how even though he is  Dalish , and was born  Dalish , wasn't _always_ Dalish ?  Maybe he should work backward from the  conclave . Or  maybe he should start with his birth. That might  actually be the way to start. From the beginning. Well, not the beginning-beginning, but close enough. Alright,  Sylrae nodded to himself, I can do this. He pushed himself up and out of his chair and walked towards the doorway, only to stop in surprise as the door swings open before he can reach it.

Dorian Pavus strides through the doorway, with the Iron Bull in tow. Sylrae  doesn't bother to stifle his smile as warmth settles in his chest at the sight of his lovers. Dorian meets his eye and his step falters before he smiles in return. Dorian walks straight up to Sylrae while Bull sighs and mutters something, but whatever he said gets lost as Dorian firmly grasps the sides of Sylrae's face, and brings him in for a firm kiss.

" _Festis bei umo canavarum,_ Deliciae, but I was tired of waiting for you to come to us," Dorian started as soon as the kiss was over before he started pacing in the middle of the room. Bull shook his head, and Dorian completely misses the adoring look that Sylrae  couldn't stop from taking over his face. 

"I know it's only been three days, and that well magic has probably done something  _horrid_ to your ability to focus, but I cannot just sit here and watch you lose yourself like everyone else is so content to do!" He dramatically exclaims, throwing his hands up in  exasperation . Bull rolls his eye with a  snort , before sitting down on the bed, preparing himself for the lecture that is undoubtedly soon to follow. Sylrae follows and invites himself into Bull's lap, earning a surprised look and a fond smile as Bull runs one of his hands through the elf's long hair.

"Cole said that the Well put _voices_ into your head!  Deliciae , you  mustn't listen to any demons in whatever form they may take. I _cannot_ afford to lose you! And Morrigan has gotten herself into a  tizzy with all the ancient knowledge you must hold!" Dorian spun on his heel to continue pacing in the opposite direction, not looking at Bull or  Sylrae .  Sylrae leaned up and pressed a kiss to the Iron Bull's jaw, only to get a full kiss in return.  Sylrae pressed himself further into the Iron Bull's chest, feeling warm and loved for the first time in three days. "We're here for you if you want to share this knowledge, and it would be in your best interest to let it all out. We saw what happened at  Dirthamen's temple, and we  wouldn't want a repeat to happen to you. We love you and  we're concerned. You  haven't said anything to anyone for _three_ _days_! Three _whole_ days,  Deliciae !"

"He's _really_ worked up about this," The Iron Bull whispered conspiratorially. "He's been really worried." Sylrae nodded solemnly, regretting that he  didn't talk to them sooner.

Sylrae leaned upwards to brush a kiss along Bull's jaw in a silent apology. Bull sighs and relaxes, winding his arms around Sylrae. Dorian finally stops pacing to stare  open-mouthed at the two, exchanging easy affection. He huffs and shakes his head.

"Honestly, with you two, it's a _wonder_ that anybody listens to me," he mutters, walking over to the bed and allowing himself to be scooped up  with into Bull's arms with Sylrae. Sylrae  immediately invites himself into Dorian's arms and nuzzles himself into his embrace. 

"Oh," Dorian softly  muttered , squeezing his arms around Sylrae comfortingly. Sylrae leaned up and pressed a kiss to the corner of Dorian's mouth. Dorian hummed and cradled the smaller elf in his arms.

"Bleeding thorns, I _missed_ you," he nuzzled himself further into Dorian's arms, smelling the same citrusy and spicy scent that always follows the necromancer around. Dorian's hands traveled up to  Sylrae's hair, running his hands through the long top. Bull placed a kiss on top  of Dorian's head. 

"We've been right here,  Deliciae ."

"I know, but... there's _so much you don't know_. Not even talking about the Well." Dorian gently pushed Sylrae up and at arm's length to see his face clearer. After a moment of searching his face, and Sylrae grabbing and squeezing Dorians' wrists for the feeling of closeness. Sylrae shakes his head before extracting himself from his lover's arms, arms wrapping loosely around himself before stopping in the middle of the room, looking around the room a bit lost. He quickly decided to just try and get it all out quickly. 

"I'm not even who you think I am. I'm not even who _I_ thought I was," he gave a bit of a laugh before shaking his head again, moving to the desk to keep his hands busy. Dorian and Bull whispered furiously, but Sylrae  couldn't bring himself to look them in the eyes. He flipped papers left and right, signing things that Josephine had asked him to earlier.

"Well, I'm uh, not even sure where to start, if I'm honest." His fingers tap on the desk as he skims through another paper. "Well, I guess I should start that Sylrae is the name I chose for myself, and not my birth name. I know people place a lot of importance on given names." 

Sylrae shuffled papers left and right, making a pile of done papers and papers that need to be looked at. "This life I've been living, I was born Dalish, but not to clan Lavellan. Leliana already knows that. She, uh, just  doesn't know where  I'm from. It was kind of fun at first, to see what story  she'd create about my past. Not so fun, anymore."

Sylrae shook his head as a light breeze passed through the room from the open balcony. 

"I mean, before the Inquisition, I'd just let people assume. I never really thought my story was that interesting. Leliana gave up drilling me for my story at Haven when I told her she could just make one up. Even my name  I'd let others  choose, for the most part ." Ink spilled over his hand, so Sylrae grabbed a towel from a side room, continuing to talk as he shuffled the fabric around. 

"I never thought of it as lying to people. I just... I always wanted, when I went somewhere new and met friends, I wanted it to be its own separate chapter. Or its own book, more accurately.  Yeah , sure all the books talk about the same world, same sights, but  they're each a separate story. And you  don't need to read any of the others to understand it, and maybe if you did you would decide you  didn't like the  overarching story and could ignore the other books. Only read your favorite bit of it. And it worked, until now."

He shuffled back into the room, not looking at either of his lovers and a little bit concerned at their silence. But he  hadn't even explained anything yet. 

"The only people I have ever met who wanted your entire story, are the ones who wanted to erase it or change it somehow. Re-educators, spies, brainwashers, blood mages... Just a mess of bad intentions.  So, they could say, ' Sylrae we will make you forget everything,', but the chances are that they would only be able to erase  _Sylrae_ , the Inquisitor and Herald, from my head and not anybody else.  Maybe some Dalish stuff I picked up from clan  Lavellan too. Re-educators could scrub my brain for every instance of  Sylrae , and still not have ninety-percent of my life."  Sylrae signed another paper, before sinking down in the plush desk chair before him.

"It's how I got past the re-educators in the first place. Give them the wrong name, the wrong story, and they  can't take anything. When they take your name, they give you a new one. Slavers do the exact same thing. Everything and one I want to  avoid; all use the same plan.  What's funny, though, is that it all  kind of circled in the end. Oh, and weird nobles try to justify their behavior at you based on your past actions or how 'good' your stories are."  Sylrae hummed, still refusing to look at his lovers. 

"Not that  I've done anything _terrible_ , mind you.  It's not like Blackwall's case. There was nobody else named  Sylrae Lavellan .  I've just had a mess of a life. Not counting what I learned from the Well, which makes this a _messier_ mess. But,  let's start before the Well, and before the Inquisition." He turned to look at his lovers to find them paying close attention. When he met Dorian's eyes the necromancer smiled reassuringly, and Bull gave him a nod to go on. He felt better but still gulped anyway.

"Oh... My, uh, birth name is Vunarsyl. _Vunarsyl Isenam_ , from clan Latharia. One of my fathers was a city elf, and my mother was from the Antivan Crows, and my other father  actually grew up in the clan.  You've probably never heard of clan Latharia because  they're considered ' feral ', mostly because we  don't do things like the other clans. And fight back harder and fiercer against nobles and slavers. I was young and on the wrong side of the river, and got picked up by slavers. Well, it was a trade mostly, I managed to get some of the other kids away from the slavers before I was caught. It didn't matter much, but I was  reckless and stupid and young, and maybe trying a _little bit_ to impress my crushes." Sylrae cleared his throat as Dorian and Bull snickered. 

"Hey! I was young, but I was also smart. I already absorbed a lot of the training that my Keeper and parents were giving me... stuff way above what I was supposed to learn. The older kids  didn't like me much, so I was also trying to impress them. Impress the entire clan, actually."

"So, I managed to get one of them down, and free the others, but unfortunately for me, they had a mage with them. Who knew  dispel , so my weak spells started not doing  much. The daggers  weren't very useful , because I  didn't want to kill anyone.  So, I was captured,"  Sylrae shrugged, "and taken to  Tevinter . After that, I was tossed around for a  bit, before I ended up in house Gennadius." Dorian winced in sympathy.

"I was given to them because of their son, he hadn't been able to learn much of anything any of his circles were trying to teach him. They thought  maybe I knew some  Dalish witchery that could transfer all that information into his head. Well, the  short version is that I  couldn't , the  long version is that  maybe I accidentally managed to seduce the son I was teaching. Thankfully, he was my age, and into men, so there was that going for me at least." Bull gave a whistle and Dorian pulled out a hidden bottle of wine and some glasses, pouring each of them a glass before settling down himself.  Sylrae took a sip and hummed with a smile and a soft thank you.

"Yeah, he was really sweet. Unfortunately, we accidentally ended up causing his parent's deaths, due to reflecting their blood magic back at them. Sad, but not as much as it  could've been. Oh, right, and that entire time I was going by the name Valerian Silas, but he officially made me a member of his family in  Tevinter , before deciding that he didn't want me to feel pressured into anything and got it into his head to set me free, along with all the other slaves within his family's employ. He was a  really sweet guy, but also  kind of dumb , and acting like I  hadn't made it explicitly clear that I would never let him do anything to me that I  didn't want. And like he forgot I could kick his ass. So, he offered me to drop me off anywhere, so I got onto a boat and sailed away. Then got picked up by pirates."  Sylrae nodded to himself as Bull laughed.

"You're joking," Bull accused, before laughing harder. "Looks like you've got shit luck, boss." Sylrae grinned as Dorian began laughing too.

"Alright,  alright , so I get picked up by these pirates, and I'm not that grown yet, okay? I  don't look like much, but they decide  that's what they like in a new crew  member, apparently . Okay, so, at that point I  don't want to go by my  Tevinter name, for obvious reasons. And I  didn't want my birth name because then  I'd be too ' elfy ' or something. Thankfully, everyone on board understood and helped me pick out a new name. So, I became Orion Neoma Athanasiou.  So, we traveled a little bit of everywhere and  mainly picked off  Tevinter slaver boats. Eventually, we landed on  Seheron , to provide some aid to the residents and steal from some  Vints ."

"You were in Seheron?" Bull interrupted, shocked. Sylrae nodded before  continuing on with his story.

"Yeah, and it was a shit-show. I wanted to help so bad, I joined the fog-warriors." Bull choked on his drink; Dorian patted his back unhelpfully. 

"I didn't change my name, that time.  It's not like too many people knew pirates' names anyway. You just remember the name of the ship and the captain.  So, we fought and fought, and I learned how to call the fog after a bunch of questioning, and then they sent in ben- hassrath . Their job was mostly just to fight against the  Vints , but they had special orders. They had to try and catch a fog-warrior. They were trying to figure out our movements and how we called the fog, and for the fog dancers,  they'd rather die than let someone not  in the know ... well, know. I was just particularly lucky and annoying and  Dalish . Well, that and minorities fighting against  Tevinter generally band together. Or fighting against society. Fog-warriors,  Dalish ,  Avvar ,  Chasind , we get along well.  We're all fighting against the same things to preserve our lifestyles and beliefs. But  that's not the point. The point is, is that  I've been reckless and  self-sacrificing for a long time. So, they almost got this kid. A literal kid was running with this other group of fog-warriors. So, of course, I threw myself between the kid and the  Qunari and shooed him away. The fog was still there, and because I'm a small elf, they never suspected they got the wrong figure in the mist."

"So, they brought me to the re-educators, _obviously_.  That's pretty much all they do, anyway. Tried to get information out of me, but at this point, I was good at acting and said I  didn't know anything. When the re-educators got me, I put up a convincing fight, let them prey on my presumed weaknesses, and became a convert to the Qun. They set me up as a baker, and it was...  really nice actually. They knew I knew how to wield daggers, but figured I  wouldn't do anything with it. They paraded me around their little area, and I made some friends and got a new name.  Hissra Issala Ataashi . And then they shipped me out to Par Vollen, to teach some re-educators how to deal with the  Dalish . I  didn't teach them much, but they taught me everything about life under the Qun and the Qun itself. I learned so much and they were getting suspicious because I liked to talk to people. Ben- Hassrath were onto me.  So, I rounded up all the unhappy people I could, and  saarebas , and ran for it." Bull had to set down his drink to put his head in his hands while Dorian laughed.

"Alright, so I _might have_ taken all their  saarebas and any  imekari that were showing signs of magic. And I took  Avaarads , and re-educators, and bakers and laborers, a  really good amount of people. Even got a couple ben- hassrath and  tamassrans . So, we had a lot of brains.  Luckily, I was made the leader, and I threw all logic out of the window. We escaped with a boat and sailed around to drop everyone off where they wanted to be. The best part is nobody in Par Vollen figured out who was the leader. For all they know I was just following along with somebody else. So,  yeah , I  could've gone back if I wanted to. I  didn't though and decided instead, I was just going to wander from town to town in  Fereldan , and  Orlais . Figure out where I wanted to go next. Instead, I found this guy, who was looking for a young person to train." Bull had finally dragged his head out of his hands with a nervous laugh, and Dorian patted his back in sympathy.

"So, I went with him, and he gave me an  Orlaisian name, and made me into a bard. The  murdery -type, like Leliana. And then I was _Luis Marshall Noel Alaire_ and was run around  Orlais for a bit. I got to meet a bunch of friends, and I still had those  saarebas children I had stolen, and then I met a friend, and he gave me a couple of acres of land, and I built a town there. And then, I kept hearing about how ' properly trained mages are the best ones' and how 'hedge mages are terrible menaces', so even though I had all the  Dalish knowledge and even technically learned everything from the  Tevinter circles, I still wasn't considered officially trained. So, I invited myself into a circle under the name Aiken Amitai Carmel, and they bought it thinking I was a city elf."  Sylrae downed the rest of his wine while Dorian poured himself another glass.

"Okay, so in the circle, it wasn't great. Not the best,  wouldn't recommend it. But I did figure out how templars learned, learned all I could in the circles, and stole away everyone unhappy there too. Brought them back to town. So, after that, I decided that I wanted to know how many people studied magic because everyone thought they were better than each other. I also learned how to use swords and stuff during that time. So, I went to the  Avvar and the  Chasind and got two new names. And then I found a  Dalish clan who renamed me and got sent to the  conclave to spy, which ended up  just about as well as you'd expect considering my history. So, uh.... how do you two feel about all of that?" Dorian and Bull both looked at each other and nodded before Bull stood up to pick up  Sylrae in his arms.

"You've got to tell more stories, kadan." He shook his head. Dorian nodded.

"Well, there's more, and this time it's unbelievable." Bull huffed and placed Sylrae back onto the ground, pouting. 

"Okay, okay. So, uh, turns out my magic is a bit different from most other magic.  I've known that for years, but the Well helped me understand why. You know how Fen'harel is said to have locked the Creators behind the veil?" Both of his lovers nodded. "Okay so the Creators were real, but they weren't gods." Sylrae began to pace in the middle of his room. 

"They were the ancient Elvhen equivalent of magisters, with slaves and everything! Except there was no veil, and nobody opposed them. They were called the Evanuris. And they went mad with power, all except for Sylaise, Ghilan'an, Mythal, and June. Fen'harel began as an Evanuris, but also worked with the Forgotten Ones, who were raising a rebellion. But, as they were also basically magisters, it was a magister war with all the little people caught in the middle. Mythal died, which started the war, and most of the Evanuris were mad, and the Forgotten Ones were insane too, so there were no winners. Fen'harel, sick of all the war and having an identity crisis, created the veil and locked both sets of magisters away for what he had assumed would be all eternity."

"He was wrong. He locked the  Evanuris in the Fade, in a glass palace. He locked the Forgotten Ones in the Void, in a crystal palace.  Fen'harel accidentally locked himself in the Waking World and promptly decided to take a nap instead of leading all the people he had worked so hard to free. Which led to them trying to make a way in the world, and becoming  Dalish , city elves, or slaves to  Tevinter . But, the  Evanuris were not done with the world. They threw fits and raged against their prison, but were too prideful to ask for help. Until they  weren't because a couple of thousand years really do something to you.  So, their time-out had worked, and so they chose the least insane  Evanuris , and gave her all their power, and escaped as one person.  Sylaise escaped the glass palace and ran into  Anaris , who had gained all the power of the Forgotten Ones and escaped. We looked at the world, and saw how it had changed, and decided instead to be reborn so that we could look at the world and our people without feeling such sorrow."

"Wait, wait, wait," Dorian interrupted, waving his hands, "I thought you were telling us about the ancient Evanuris, but you switched into the first-person view mid-way through? Are you poetically telling a story as if you were there?" Sylrae shook his head.

"That's what I meant. The Well unlocked everything I suppressed. I am Sylaise," Dorian frowned in confusion, "but  I'm also everyone else I ever was. I remember being her, living her life, every choice she made, I remember why. I remember how I remember everything." Sylrae shook his head. 

"I was just thinking about how weird it was when you two came in. I was an Elvhen magister, and then became a Tevinter slave!" Sylrae snorted  in amusement. "Everything that Sylaise never could have dreamed of doing, I've done! Everything that she felt that she  should've been happy with-- that she  should've felt in her richness, I have. And  I'm Dalish, Dorian, Dalish! And I have everything that she couldn't."

Sylrae turned sharply towards Dorian, having  spun and gestured during his rant. He laughed, sounding almost hysterical, with wild eyes. "What are the chances? Everything, it all led to this! And now I have mother  Mythal's power, which she had been training her newer, human child Morrigan for, and look.  Fen'harel is in the Inquisition,  Mythal still lives,  Urthemiel reborn through  Mythal's successor, ancient  Tevinter magisters still roaming! The  Evanuris and the Forgotten both back in the Waking World, right under  Fen'harel's nose! The Maker still in his city... The Titans knocked down, and asleep. The Old Gods, all sleep! Imagine the power that could be unleashed!  Fen'harel doesn't know the half of all the power he could have! Solas wants to knock down the Veil? The entire world could be destroyed! Or reborn. Probably destroyed. The Blight, everyone thinks  it’s caused by the Maker! Or the Forgotten Ones! Or... someone."  Sylrae had spun around on his heel, mid-rant, but when he trailed off got grabbed by both  Qunari and human hands.

_"Alright, boss,_ I don't know where to _start_ with how wrong that sounded, but I can say that the man I fell in love with wasn't power-hungry in any way." Bull was frowning, concerned, and a quick glance at Dorian revealed that he felt the same. 

"Delicae, if the Well somehow turned you into megalomanious tyrant, we would like to know _now_ , _before_ anything happens." Dorian grabbed one of Sylrae's hand and squeezed it.

"What? No, no... I'm not... it's... ugh."  Sylrae shook his head, words failing, before sighing and restarting.

"I don't want the  power; I don't need it. I just got a bit... sidetracked.  It's just that- for all Solas claims to know- he  doesn't know anything. I..."  Sylrae squeezed Dorian's hand and sought out the Iron Bull's.

"I'd be happy, just to be with you. That power never made me as happy as I am when I'm with you." After a tense moment of nobody speaking or moving, the Iron Bull grinned and cooed.

"Awe, we make you happy!" Bull swept up both of his kadans and hugs them close into his chest. A laugh gets startled out of  both of them and Dorian pulled Sylrae's face closer to press a kiss.

"I'm glad," he whispers against Sylrae's lips, and Sylrae finds himself feeling so lucky that he has his loves.

Dorian suddenly tensed and pulled away from Sylrae, looking him over worriedly. "Now, what did you say about Solas tearing down the Veil?"

Sylrae frowned and shrugged. 

"Well, he did put it up in the first place." At Dorian's wide-eyed expression Sylrae continues. 

"Actually, my mark was supposed to take down the Veil, but I accidentally got in the way, and, well..." Sylrae shrugs, and now Bull is looking concerned.

"Okay, kadan, you said that Solas wanted to tear down the Veil. You also said that Fen'harel, the Elvhen god-magister, was in the Inquisition. Is Solas Fen'harel?" Bull asked slowly. Sylrae nodded, tapping his fingers against Dorian's hand. 

"Well,  yeah , of course. Where did you think he got all his 'Fade-Arlathan' knowledge? He caused the rebellion, threw up the Veil and trapped us, and then abandoned our people to take a thousand-year nap. I already said all of this." Everyone pauses for a moment.

"And you're not doing anything about this?" Bull asks,  incredulously . Sylrae shot him a confused look.

"What would I do? 'Oh, Fen'harel, you old dog you! Back to tear down the Veil?  Can't handle the consequences? Well, I,  Sylaise , put down my foot! Stand down, young man, or  I'll ... ground you! For a thousand years!'"

Sylrae rolls his eyes dramatically before continuing. " 'Just because  you're the sun prince or whatever, Mythal's favorite,  doesn't mean you get to do what you want! Imagine all the people  you'll murder! All your spirit friends will die!' "

Dorian huffs, his worry creeping into his eyes. "Well, you can't just let him tear down the Veil..."

Sylrae nods with a frown. "I know, but he has friends now.  Maybe he'll reconsider.  I'll try to nudge him in the right direction the best I can, but I  shouldn't confront him to his face. He'll panic."

Dorian and Bull share a concerned look, but brush aside this heavy topic for another day, and instead decide to enjoy their elvhen lover who had finally decided to come clean.


	7. Scrambling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tree was calling him. Who was he to refuse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, I think I wrote this while I had a migraine/was sick. This makes... little sense, but apparently the Evanuris is worse than previously thought.

Sylrae's hands pressed onto the tree, focusing. His magic spiraled outwards, swirling around the tree. Something made a noise behind him, but Sylrae  couldn't focus on it. There was something about this tree, tugging and pulling on the deepest part of his magic. Something grabbed him and pulled him away from the tree. Sylrae struggled against the hands for a second before relaxing, something familiar tugged inside of him, next to where the tree was tugging. Sylrae stumbled backward, on ly seeing the tree.  There's something there- he put it there, didn't he?- and it was calling him. He felt like he was underwater, and had a sinking feeling that he was swimming deeper instead of to the surface, and running out of oxygen. The sounds felt fa r away even though he logically knew they were right next to him. Something firmly pinched the back of his neck, and suddenly his body gave out. His eyes rolled back into his head and all was dark.

\---

"Mother?" A voice whispered. Sylrae frowned and  looked around. "Have you come to free me?"

Sylrae's hands curl around his dress, white silk with gold  embroidery . He looks down and sees a female body, his female body. He touches his hair and it's so much longer than he ever remembers having it. All the way  down to his ankles, in braids, and twirled around itself with golden ornaments.  Sylrae wasn't just  Sylrae anymore, not here. He looked around, and he was in the forest again. But it was glowing, and the trees were taller than everything.

"Mae?" The voice called, in ancient elvhen, "Ar isalan na, mae, telharthan. Mi'nas'sal'inan."

How did he understand any of that? -Mom? I need you, mom, I  don't understand. I miss you.- Was what she said. Sylrae heads toward the voice, feeling the tugging deep wit hin his soul. His daughter is trapped, it  doesn't matter if he  isn't technically her mother anymore. Why is she in the tree?

"Ahn mar melin?" Sylrae calls, asking for her name. He  couldn't remember. Why?

"Nathra." She whispers desperately. "Sathan, m ae."

Sylrae is  almost to the tree, and he can see her  silhouette through it. Nathra is so close. He reaches out--

\---

Sylrae gasped, sitting up quickly. He  couldn't see for a minute but could feel one of the Inquisition blankets on his skin, most o f his clothes  removed. He blinks once, twice. The sunlight drifts through the tent and Sylrae scrambles up and out of bed. He quickly shoves on his clothes and attaches his daggers and bottles, stumbling out of the tent. Sylrae almost falls but is caught b y large grey hands. Sylrae's hands curl around Bull's, resting on his hips.

"Vashedan, kadan," Bull rumbles, "we were worried. You weren't responding at all, and we had to knock you out." Bull tugged Sylrae closer, lifting the elf up a little bit off th e ground in an embrace. Sylrae sighs relaxes against Bull and places a kiss on the Qunari's shoulder. 

"Ir abelas, vhenan." Sylrae mumbles into the Qunari's shoulder, and Bull hums.

"Dorian was worried.  He's been pacing for the last hour. He _finall_ _y_ left with Varric to hunt for some dinner." Sylrae nods. Bull squeezes him before setting him back down on his feet.

"We _have_ to go back to the tree. I need to go back, vhenan." Sylrae pleads, looking at the Bull with wide eyes. The Iron Bull frowns.

"Kadan." The Iron Bull looks him up and down with a skeptical eye, searching for any irregularity or cause of concern. "That's not  a good idea . We had to knock you out last time."

The Iron Bull's hands rest on his shoulders  firmly , as if  Sylrae himself will go bounding off into the forest despite Bull's concerns. He looks at the ground instead of Bull.  Sylrae would be lying if he said he  didn't briefly consider it. "I _have_ to,  vhenan . It's not a choice I can afford to leave unmade." Bull continues to frown at him before sighing and nodding slowly.

"Alright, kadan, we will all go together when they get back, on one condition." Sylrae's eyes flick up and lock onto the Iron Bull's eye. "If you start acting strange, we are leaving. No ifs, ands, or but s."

Sylrae slowly nods with a serious expression before a relieved smile overtakes his face.

"Ma  serannas ,  vhenan ." Bull must see something shifting as he manages a small  smile and takes  Sylrae into his arms again.

\---

"Deliciae, I hope you know wh at you're getting into," Dorian says, his face a mask of worry, "I would _not_ like to lose you to a _tree_." The Iron Bull nods.

"Be careful, tiny Kadan." Varric whistles lowly, with a nervous smile.

"A magic tree, huh?" Varric mumbles. "Hawke is neve r going to believe this."

Sylrae shakes his head, and the tree comes into view. 'Mana ma halani,' the tree whispers, 'sathan, mae.'

Sylrae frowns, placing his hand on the tree. He feels something tugging, and he tugs back. The tree begins to glow and his companions all swear in their respective ways. Sylrae's hands phase into the tree, and he feels smaller hands grab onto his own, and he steps backward, leading them out of the tree. The small girl stumbles on her way out, glowing a bright white befor e solidifying into an Elvhen from, a tiny dark-haired, dark-skinned girl with blue eyes. 

The girl's eyes widen and she looks at her hands in  surprise . 

"Ma  melava halani .  Ir tel'him ! Ma  serannas ! Ma  serannas ,  mae !" Nathra  glomps Sylrae , repeating 'thank you' before mumbling that she thought  she'd be stuck in there forever.

"Banal nadas," Sylrae says shakily, hugging her back. Sylrae takes another look at her and it reveals that she  can't be more than five years old. 

The Iron Bull softly approaches and places a hand on Sylrae's shoulder. "Kadan? Is.. this why you had to come back here?" Sylrae nods, slowly.

"She was trapped. I  couldn't just leave her. She... she keeps calling me mom." He confesses, looking down at Nathra who  seemed to fall asleep , exhausted in his arms. 

"Her magic grabbed mine. She even looks like me, vhenan. She was pleading for freedom." Sylrae hoists her up, holding her in his arms. He turns to the other party members who both look somewhere between shocked and saddened at this revelation.

Dorian is frozen, before slowly nodding at Sylrae, and they all return to camp.

\---

On the way back to Skyhold, Nathra is glued to Sylrae and talks about how much everything has changed, and is quickly picking up common as well.

"B ird!" She calls, pointing to a crow on a nearby tree. She looks at Sylrae for a reaction. He smiles.

"Yes, a bird. That kind of bird is called a crow."

"Crow?" Sylrae nods and watches the smile bloom across her face. "Crow!" She cheers. Dorian smiles at her from Sylrae's side. He laughs.

"Oh isn't she a delight?" He says to Sylrae. "I can't imagine why anyone would leave her in the forest." Sylrae shakes his head, agreeing with Dorian.

She plays in the snow, when it finally gets snowy, wearing S ylrae's borrowed coat that is entirely too large. The Iron Bull laughs as he scoops her squealing form up from a too-deep snow bank she had jumped into and got stuck in. The Iron Bull continues to laugh when Nathra hangs onto his horns.

Varric snickers  from his place watching Bull and Nathra fall into the snow together.

And then,  they're finally at Skyhold, and everyone is introduced to Nathra.

"Where are your parents?" Blackwall asks as she pulls at his sword, trying to  unsheathe it. Nathra points at  Sylrae .

"Mae! Mamae!" Blackwall raises an eyebrow.

"She said 'mom'." Sylrae translates, gathering the tiny girl into her arms and pressing a kiss to her head. Blackwall frowns, but nods and asks no further questions.

Josephine  immediately greets Na thra before hijacking her and leading her away. "I'll  go find her a room! How would you like one near- your mother? Is that correct?" Josephine looks at Sylrae and smiles when he nods. Nathra talks to Josephine with her limited common as Joesphine nods al ong. A few of the companions try to puzzle together Nathra and Sylrae's relationship, but quickly just accept things as they are.

And, luckily, both Bull and Dorian had taken a shine to Nathra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what's going on in this chapter. I don't even know anymore.


End file.
